How Our Economy Makes Us Lonely

BY SOFO ARCHON

Today, people feel lonelier than ever before. But why is that?

In the following video, I explore the two main causes, both of which stem from our economic system.

Transcript

It is often said that we are living in the most connected time in human history. That is because today we possess the advanced, modern technology to instantly communicate with people from nearly every part of the world. At the same time, it could be argued that we are living in the most disconnected time in the history of humankind. That is because today there are more lonely people than ever before.

I was reading that, in the US, about half of the entire population feels lonely on a regular basis, and that most Americans report not having anyone to talk to or ask for help when they find themselves in times of personal crisis. Most countries are following in the footsteps of the US: the rates of loneliness have been increasing worldwide. So, why this epidemic of loneliness?

Before I answer this question, I would like to briefly explain what loneliness is, because many people tend to confuse it with solitude or spending time alone—and these are two very different things.

Loneliness is the unpleasant feeling of being disconnected from the world—from people, community, place, or nature. Being in solitude, however, is not necessarily unpleasant. I, for example, love spending time on my own nearly every day. Spending time alone also doesn’t mean that one feels disconnected from the world. One can be alone and still feel connected to other people and to nature.

Loneliness makes people insecure, and insecurity causes a lot of stress. As you might know, stress is very detrimental to our health. Studies have shown that lonely people are much more likely to develop a wide array of diseases, including heart disease, cancer, obesity, respiratory conditions, depression, and anxiety. Of course, it’s not only stress that causes these diseases, but stress is definitely a factor—perhaps the most important one.

Let us now return to our question: why are so many of us feeling lonely?

There are many reasons for that, but two of them—both economic—which are the most important ones.

The first one is the conversion of relationships into paid services and products.

Today, we are living in a highly monetized world. Nearly every aspect of our lives has been monetized, including our relationships. A lot of things that people used to do for each other or with each other now require payment.

For example, when people were still embedded in their communities, when they knew their neighbors well and trusted them, they would ask for help whenever they needed it. Let’s say a woman needed to fix something in her house or move a heavy object from one room to another. She would most likely ask a neighbor to help her, if she didn’t have anyone living with her who could lend a hand.

Nowadays, we would most likely pay a company to help us—especially those of us living in big cities, where we don’t really know our neighbors, even those who live right next door.

Here’s another example:

In the past, people used to have fun mostly with their friends. They would come together often and do things together. They would sing, dance, play games or sports, or simply sit down together and have interesting conversations.

Nowadays, many of us still spend time with friends and have fun with them, but not as much as compared to older generations. In fact, a lot of us spend most of our time alone in our homes, having fun away from other people—watching TV, surfing the Internet, listening to music, or playing video games.

Because we don’t meet other people that often, because we don’t ask for help, and because we don’t spend much time together doing creative things or having fun together, we don’t build bonds or ties with one another. In other words, we don’t build strong social connections and intimate relationships.

And we kind of like this, because we feel independent, we feel free. We think we don’t depend on anyone else, and that as long as we have money, we can provide ourselves with everything we need. Our happiness, we believe, does not depend on our relationships.

I find this belief to be an illusion—or maybe I should say, a delusion. In reality, we do depend on other people, just as we depend on the soil, the trees, the air, and the sun. It’s just that the people we pay and depend on are strangers to us. We don’t know their names, where they come from, or their stories. But without them, we wouldn’t have most of the things we need and want.

And the security we feel is also somewhat illusory. What would happen if we didn’t have money? Then we wouldn’t be able to buy the things we need, and nobody would really help us because we don’t have good relationships with other people.

True security comes from relationships, friendship, community—because even if we have no money whatsoever, we still know we have friends to support us when we need help the most.

The other reason causing so much loneliness in the world is competition.

We are living in a very, very competitive world. Employees compete with one another, companies compete with one another, nations compete with one another. Competition is nearly everywhere in our world, and we learn to be competitive from a very early age so that we can survive in it.

When we were kids and sent to school, for example, we learned to compete for grades. Later, as adults entering the marketplace, we started competing with others to gain an advantage and make a profit. Being conditioned by the social environment we live in, we see others as competitors trying to win over us, and we do the same to them.

Of course, in a world where we see others as competitors, how can we open our hearts and let them come close? We can’t, because we are deeply afraid. We feel that if we do, they might hurt us. So instead, we build high, thick walls around our hearts to insulate ourselves from others, to protect ourselves from the world. Little do we know, however, that this is counterproductive. For as we saw earlier, the more we isolate ourselves, the more insecure we tend to become.

If we want to minimize loneliness in our world, we need to realize that money is poisoning our relationships and move as much as we can away from competition. To do that, we need to fundamentally redesign our economic system so that, instead of promoting competition, it promotes collaboration and sharing.

In such a world, people will trust one another and work together for the benefit of everyone. In such a world, loneliness will be the exception, not the rule.