The Loneliness Epidemic

BY SOFO ARCHON

Why do so many people feel lonely?

Despite having advanced technology that allows us to instantly connect, hundreds of millions still feel isolated.

In the United Kingdom, for example, 60% of 18–34-year-olds report often feeling lonely. In the United States, 46% of the entire population say they experience loneliness on a regular basis.

Loneliness, as you probably know, sucks. Living in a world where you don’t have anyone to genuinely connect with can be soul-crushing. It makes you feel insecure, anxious, unimportant, and undeserving of love. And because the soul and body are inseparable, what hurts us psychologically also harms us physically.

Research has revealed the damaging effects of loneliness on health. One study found that chronic loneliness can be twice as deadly as obesity and as dangerous as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. Another showed that lonely people were three times more likely to catch the common cold compared to those with strong relationships. Yet another found that socially isolated people were two to three times more likely to die within nine years than those who were highly connected.

One reason loneliness is so harmful is that it often goes hand in hand with high stress levels, which significantly weaken the immune system. This not only accelerates aging but also increases the risk of cancer, heart disease, Alzheimer’s, and a wide range of other illnesses. Loneliness, therefore, is a serious public health issue. Yet we rarely acknowledge or discuss it—a telling sign of our social disconnection, and a reflection of a modern world where loneliness has quietly grown into an epidemic.

The Roots of Loneliness

So, why do so many of us feel lonely nowadays?

There are many reasons, but at the root of the loneliness epidemic lies a cultural belief: that we don’t truly need or depend on each other.

This belief largely stems from our economic system, which is built on converting relationships into paid services. In such a system, we are conditioned to think we can buy everything we need without forming ties with other people.

Want a delicious meal? Pay a restaurant and it will be prepared for you. Want sex? Pay a prostitute and someone will sleep with you. Need someone to watch your children? Pay a nanny and she’ll take care of them.

Everything we desire is within our reach, we believe, provided we have the money to pay for it. Therefore, as long as we work enough and earn enough, we’ll be able to satisfy our needs. In other words, we’ll be “independent”—a word that implies personal success in our culture. Other cultures, however, considered this kind of independence a sign of failure.

In earlier times, people relied on one another. They saw themselves as part of a community—one they served and that, in turn, served them. If someone needed to move a heavy object but didn’t live with anyone who could help, they would ask their neighbors rather than hire a company. If they wanted to have fun, they would gather with friends to chat, sing, dance, play sports, or create something together, instead of paying for entertainment.

Even today, people in small villages often live much the same way. Being rooted in their communities, they feel safer and happier. They not only enjoy the practical support of their neighbors but also form deep, lasting relationships with them.

By contrast, most of us don’t really need anyone—or so we believe. We pay strangers—who can be easily replaced by other strangers—for almost everything. Unsurprisingly, the sense of community and belonging has nearly vanished.

Each of us feels like a tiny island in a vast ocean, separated from one another by the wild currents of a cold, indifferent existence. And the cost of this separation touches us all—some more than others—but everyone feels its weight in the form of alienation, insecurity, fear, and anxiety.

Our loneliness is further intensified by society’s obsession with competition—an inevitable outcome of our scarcity-based economic system, where money never seems to be enough.

In this system, more for one person means less for another, and one person’s success comes at someone else’s expense. Consequently, nearly everyone strives to outdo others in pursuit of personal gain—a habit we are conditioned into from childhood, competing with classmates for grades and external validation.

Is it any wonder that so many of us feel lonely? When we see our wellbeing threatened by the success of others, how can we truly trust them? When we are repeatedly hurt or dismissed by those around us, how can we open our hearts, embrace others, and welcome them into our lives?

Instead, we withdraw, insulating ourselves from the world in an attempt to protect ourselves. Yet the more we seek security in isolation, the less secure we actually feel—for true security comes only through friendship and community.

***

Whether we admit it or not, we all depend on one another—and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just as we depend on the sun, the soil, and the air, we also depend on people.

We are social beings with an innate need to connect and share, not hoard and compete. And, contrary to what our culture has conditioned us to believe, money can only buy us superficial, short-lasting substitutes of what we actually need.

Yes, we can pay someone to prepare a meal, but is that the same as a meal lovingly made by someone who cares for us? We can pay a band to play music, but is that the same as a lover serenading us? We can even pay a stranger for sex, but is that the same as being with someone who knows us inside and out?

Deep down, we all know the answer: money can’t buy love or connection. Still, the belief that we don’t need one another has led us away from that truth. Once we wake up to it, we’ll naturally want to reach out, rebuild trust, and begin co-creating social systems that unite us instead of driving us apart.