3 Ways to Cultivate Self-Love

BY SOFO ARCHON

This is the transcript of a spontaneous talk.

The most important emotional need that every person has is to feel loved.

Sadly, a lot of people are brought up in an environment where they don’t receive enough love. And because of that, they feel unimportant, unworthy of love. They feel that they are not enough as they are. They feel a hole in their soul, an inner emptiness that is bringing them tremendous pain.

And throughout their lives, they try to fill that inner void–In all sorts of ways, through any means, even if those ways and those means are doing them more harm than good. They are so thirsty for love that they try to find it in any place they can, even in the wrong places. They are like someone who is in a desert, who is so thirsty for water that he or she is willing to drink from any water source they find. Even if that source contains contaminated water.

For example, a lot of people overwork day in and day out just so they can become successful in their job, earn a lot of money, and acquire a lot of possessions in order to prove to society that they are good enough. “Look at me. I am successful. I have an amazing career. I have so much money, such a beautiful house, so many cars.” And yet, to succeed in all of those things, to acquire all of those things, they are living in a state of chronic stress—which is making them sick.

Other people are trying to find love through fame. They are willing to do anything possible to attract as many eyeballs on them as they can. We can see that on social media. Some people are wasting their lives just so they can acquire “likes” and “followers.” But no matter how many of them they get, they still feel empty within.

Other people try to fill their inner emptiness by overeating—by eating a lot of sugary, processed comfort foods. And although those foods might be bringing them some comfort and pleasure in the short term, in the long run they are making them sick too.

Still other people resort to consuming drugs. A lot of drug addicts say that taking drugs feels like receiving a warm hug. But that hug is killing them eventually.

So it is very important that we examine our intentions and motivations behind our actions, behind our behavior, behind what we are seeking to achieve. Because we might be trying to satisfy our thirst for love by drinking from contaminated ponds.

If you are one of those people who have been searching for love in the wrong places, I want to share with you three things that you can do instead.

The first one is to reconnect with yourself. You can do that by spending regular time with yourself and paying attention to your inner world. Pay attention to your pain. Pay attention to your needs. Try to understand what it is that you’re really missing in your life. And do that without judging yourself. Just be there. Make space for yourself. Give yourself what perhaps your parents or other people did not offer you when you needed it the most—when you were a child.

By listening to yourself, you will be able to offer the child within you a sense of acceptance and love and care, which can do wonders to make you feel well in your own skin.

The second suggestion that I would like to give you is to find some people to build deep, intimate relationships with. Now, those people don’t have to be many—they can actually even be just one person. If you find a person that truly loves and accepts you as you are, that can be enough to start feeling a sense of completeness, a sense of wholeness, within. The love of just a single person is worth incredibly, incomparably more than any amount of money you might make, any amount of fame you might acquire, any amount of “likes” or “followers” on social media you might receive.

Now, I understand that if you have not received enough love in your life—if you have been hurt by other people—it might be difficult to open yourself up and connect with others on an intimate level. But trust me, that’s one of the best things that you can do. In other words, exposing yourself to others and connecting with them is a risk worth taking.

The last recommendation that I have for you is to spend regular time in nature. Nature is not judgmental, and it does not have any expectations of how we should be. It just accepts us as we are. So, by spending time in nature, you will start feeling accepted as you are, and you will start feeling that you belong here.

In addition, by spending time in nature, you will be able to see that every being that exists is connected to everything else. You will begin to see that everything in life is interconnected. You yourself are an inseparable part of the web of life. And when you see that, when you realize that you are, in essence, one with everything, you will be able to feel a sense of completeness and wholeness. You will be able to see your true self, which is not this tiny, isolated ego that does not belong to this world. You will be able to start feeling at home with existence and well with yourself.