Why Social Media is Actually Anti-Social

BY SOFO ARCHON

Social media is supposed to bring us together—to connect us with one another. Hence, we call it social media. But does it really bring us together? Or does it, perhaps, drive us further apart?

Deep down, we all want to connect with other people. We love having others to share our thoughts, emotions, and experiences with—to feel part of a community; to feel that we belong to something greater than ourselves. That sense of connection and belonging contributes greatly to our happiness and well-being.

Those who have been lonely for a long time know well how painful it is to have no one in life—to feel disconnected and alienated. I used to be one of them, though fortunately only for a short while. Perhaps you were, or still are, one of them too.

Research shows that lonely people tend to be more stressed and therefore unhealthier—both physically and mentally—than those who feel connected. They have a much higher risk of developing a wide range of diseases, including cancer, heart disease, obesity, respiratory conditions, depression, and anxiety.

One study found that loneliness affects people as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Another found that people who are chronically lonely are 50% more likely to die prematurely than those with healthy social relationships. This is how lethal loneliness can be. Yet, sadly, over the past few decades, people have become increasingly disconnected from one another. For example, about half of U.S. citizens feel lonely and isolated—and the problem is similar in many other countries around the world.

At the turn of the 21st century—perhaps at the peak of humanity’s social disconnection—social media suddenly appeared out of nowhere and made a bold promise. It promised to break down the walls between people and bring humanity together. It promised to reconnect us with old friends and family members we had lost touch with. It promised to help us meet fascinating people from nearly every corner of the world. It even promised us intimacy and love.

And guess what? This promise resonated with hundreds of millions of people. Thirsty for connection, they believed social media was exactly what they had been hoping for. So, they dove in without a second thought.

At first, social media seemed great. But over the years, it became crystal clear to many that it had failed to deliver most of what it had promised. It connected people on a superficial level, yet on a deeper, more essential level, it was actually separating them. In fact, it often turned people against one another. So, what went wrong?

There are several reasons. First, people began spending more time on social media, which meant they had fewer opportunities to go out and meet others in person.

On social media, people can instantly communicate via text and images with anyone across the globe—which, of course, is a remarkable technological achievement—but true, intimate connection is missing. The reason is simple: no text message or emoticon can replace the feeling of being in the same physical space with someone, looking into their eyes, feeling their touch, sensing their presence.

Yet social media still offers some solace to lonely hearts—and that’s what keeps them coming back. It provides a substitute for connection that, although never satisfying enough, temporarily soothes their pain.

Another way social media separates people is by breeding social polarization. Most people don’t realize it, but today’s popular platforms are profit-making machines, earning tens of billions of dollars in ad revenue by selling people’s attention. To sell as much of it as possible, they must be designed to keep users engaged. And what’s one of the best ways to increase engagement? Playing with people’s emotions—for example, by promoting polarizing content that divides users into opposing groups who argue endlessly in comment sections.

This is something the big platforms do very well. Which makes one wonder: is social media truly social, or is it, in fact, anti-social?

To make matters worse, most platforms methodically filter what they show users according to their online behavior. For instance, if an algorithm detects that you have a certain political affiliation, it will show you content aligned with it, preventing exposure to different perspectives or ideologies. As a result, social media creates informational echo chambers that further alienate people from one another.

There are many other ways social media disconnects and polarizes society, but I won’t go into them here. Instead, I’d like to clarify that I’m not against social media per se. Although I find it immensely harmful in its current form, I don’t believe it’s inherently bad. In fact, I appreciate many of its aspects and believe it could play a positive role in humanity’s evolution.

The problem lies in how social media platforms are structured—and in the intentions with which people use them. Social media could be a powerful tool for bringing people together, but it will always disappoint if we expect it to replace real, in-person relationships. It could also enable a genuine free flow of information, if platforms were designed for the benefit of users rather than for profit.

Then, a revolution in consciousness might begin. But first, our values need to change. For social media, as it exists today, is nothing more than a reflection of our collective values—and unless those change, social media won’t change either.